FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) is a real phenomenon. But since the onset of the pandemic, I feel like my FOMO is in overdrive. Perhaps a better term would be, “I Know I’m Missing Out, But At Least I Don’t Have Covid.” While IKIMOBALIDHC doesn’t roll off the tongue as nicely, I think it speaks more to the complex anxiety that many are now feeling (myself included).

This feels especially true since the vaccine has become widely available. While the vaccine granted many the freedom to “return to normal” (or the alternate reality that now counts as normal), not everyone gets that free pass. In 2019, there were over 23 million children in the US under the age of five. As of this post, vaccines have not yet been approved for this demographic, not to mention those who are unable to get vaccinated for medical reasons.

And as of October 2020, we joined the ranks of families with children under five. Enter Maddie.

For those who can do the math, we got pregnant pre-pandemic and gave birth while lockdown was in full swing. While the vaccine for this age group is in the works, our protocols have not changed. In fact, over the last few months, we’ve tightened our lockdown and limited our exposure. Enter baby boy Younger, due this August.

Being pregnant puts me in a high-risk category both for contracting and getting seriously ill from COVID, so we are being extremely cautious at this point. All that to say, it feels like everyone has moved on from this pandemic aside from us. This is due largely to social media. FOMO has already been linked to higher social media engagement. I know I personally leaned into social media to cope with being isolated throughout my first pregnancy and beyond. And while I find some comfort in being able to connect virtually with friends and family, I find myself often feeling an overwhelming sense of envy. The “Fear” part of FOMO is fully realized, as I watch friends and family venture back out into the world. This is especially painful when seeing individuals in similar situations (young kid or pregnant) out there getting back to “normal”.

While I experience jealousy of others, I don’t blame my social media network for how I feel. I fully understand that this dilemma is a direct result of our decisions as a family around how much risk we can tolerate, and what to prioritize. And I know that everyone has different health situations, levels of comfort with risk, and ways of prioritizing what is important for them and their family. But having this knowledge doesn’t make it hurt less.

I also know that I’m not alone. So how do folks feeling COVID-induced FOMO find the balance between staying connected and addictively scrolling as the jealous rage builds? For me, it comes down to the following:

1. Social Media: Be Intentional
2. Gratitude: Practice Daily
3. Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.

Social Media: Be Intentional

A 2018 study shows that limiting social media usage to 30 minutes a day may lead to significant improvement in well-being. Now don’t get it twisted – I’m not a social media hater. But I think like most things, moderation and intentionality are key. For me, this means:

• Noticing when I’m doom scrolling and exiting the app(s)
• Taking breaks from social media
• Snoozing or unfollowing friends whose posts are triggering
• Using at least half my time on social media to share things that bring me joy

Do I always practice these? Heck no. But in times of stress, I know I can turn to these strategies and I aspire to keep them in mind.

Gratitude: Practice Daily

Part of the problem with Covid FOMO is you’re comparing yourself to others. Gratitude helps bring the focus inward. Building healthy habits takes hard work and time. For me, finding the right app to support these habits is critical. Not sure where to start? Here’s a few resources on gratitude apps:

• This is the app I use personally: Morning!
• Here is an article sharing The 7 Best Gratitude Apps to Increase your Wellbeing

You can also take it old school and just use pen and paper to keep a gratitude journal. The important thing is to find what works for you! Again, do I actually do this every day? No. But as long as I don’t hold that against myself, I make progress. Part of self-care is giving yourself grace and forgiveness.

Therapy. Therapy. Therapy.

Speaking of self-care, I highly recommend therapy for all new moms. Therapy is for all. You don’t need to have a mental illness to seek out a therapist. We all have “stuff” we’re working through, and there is no shame in seeking a resource to help with that.

A few take-aways from my therapy sessions as it relates to Covid FOMO:

• Focus on your “Why’s” and “Why Nots”. For me, they all boil down to the safety of my family. There’s a reason behind our decisions, and I need to keep that present in my mind.
• Celebrate the Little Things. Maddie giggling like crazy as her daddy tickles her. A beautiful sunrise. A fresh cup of coffee in the morning. It’s about finding joy in our day-to-day experiences.
• Find Ways to Connect. In this digital age, there’s always a way to connect virtually with the ones we love. This can take the form of a simple FaceTime call, a virtual happy hour, or even a virtual game night. But connecting is also about building community. Find your village and use them as a resource for sharing your joys and wins, your frustrations, and your need for advice.

These are just a few strategies I’ve been employing to work through my Covid FOMO. I hope if you’re struggling with any kind of FOMO, you find what works for you.

In a nutshell, Covid FOMO is real, your feelings are valid, and caring for yourself takes intentionality and building healthy habits. The good news is, I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. I know the world has changed drastically due to this pandemic, but so have I. And with the right skills, I can build a happy future, regardless of the status of the pandemic.