I’ve been inducted into a club. One I never (initially) fathomed would exist, let alone that I would be a part of. And it’s only recently that I’ve had a revelation about my membership. This exclusive – and not to be envied- group is the collection of pandemic parents.

Despite all the jokes in 2020 about coronials/quarenteens (and the trend of marking yourself “safe” from the lockdown pregnancy wave), the pandemic actually caused a baby bust rather than a baby boom. In our case, the decision to have our first child pre-dated the pandemic (but just barely). Baby number two, well that’s a story for another post.

Let’s jump to February 2020. COVID is silently working its way through China and the Middle East. Blissfully ignorant of the impending pandemic, my husband and I embark on a planned trip to Egypt with my parents. We have the joy of sharing the news of our pregnancy with them during a layover in Frankfurt. While only 8 weeks pregnant at this point, we were too excited to wait (and knew there was no way we could go the whole trip without spilling the beans).

Despite the occasional bout of morning sickness, and my husband and I getting sick mid-way through, the trip was magical. It began with my parents and I participating in the Pyramids Half-Marathon (my dad did the full deal, while my mom and I did the 6k). We enjoyed a robust itinerary (cultivated by my talented dad), visiting everything from the Pyramids and museum in Giza, to a hot air balloon ride over the Valley of the Kings, and snorkeling in the Red Sea in Safaga. Truly a once-in-a-lifetime experience that I will treasure forever.

But, as they say, all good things must come to an end. We hardly had time to unpack before the proverbial shit hit the fan. You’re all familiar with the story. We got sent home on Friday, March 13th, for what everyone assumed would be a two-week staycation. Three years later and it still feels like we’re recovering from this dystopian interruption to our regularly scheduled lives.

I may be in the minority here, but I actually enjoyed my first pregnancy in lockdown. Despite it being extremely isolating, I didn’t have to worry about commuting in the summer heat, buying office maternity clothes, or dealing with strangers touching my belly (yes, this happens). The real struggle was in preparing to be a first-time parent, when all of the traditional parenting classes had been canceled. In lieu of the in-person classes I had seen in every movie/show ever featuring a pregnant woman, we found ourselves obsessively scouring the internet for any and all resources for first time parents. We watched video after video about what to expect for delivery, how to change diapers, feeding schedules and more. You name it- we watched it.

But ready or not, October 2020 came- as did our beautiful daughter. While the pandemic had felt like a silver lining for the pregnancy, it was a sharp knife for the delivery and post-partum experience. Having now given birth in a mask (twice) – I don’t wish that upon anyone. Even if the delivery had gone smoothly (which it didn’t), the limitations on who could be in the room (for delivery and after) added an extra layer of stress to an already anxiety-ridden experience.

Looking back, I’m not sure how we got through it. Actually- that’s a lie. Family. That’s how we made it through. My mom, in particular, was everything you could ever ask for in a mom as you are embarking to become one yourself. From quarantining and driving over 24 hours from Texas so she could join us for the birth, to rubbing my feet with lavender postpartum when I was struggling with the stress of being unable to breastfeed.

There’s so much I’ve learned from this experience. Some things because of the pandemic, and some things just inherent to becoming a first-time mom. If I had to lift up my top few take-aways for new parents post-pandemic, it would be the following:

1. You are not alone. Whether it’s an unplanned trip to the NICU, difficulties breastfeeding, or suffering from post-partum depression. These issues are far more prevalent than you may think. Try not to let shame, guilt, or stigma take the driver’s seat, and know that there are resources out there for whatever you may be going through.
2. Expect the unexpected. Regardless of how much you prepare, things may not go to plan and you can’t predict the future. Also, the number of changes your body, mind, life (etc.) go through is truly unfathomable. Despite all my research, I was still caught off guard by my post-partum identity crisis. So, be as prepared as you can be, but also be prepared for the fact that there’s a lot that is not in your control and you cannot anticipate.
3. Practice self-compassion daily. I’ve written previously on the dangers of the unrealistic parenting posts that seem to dominate social media. And this may seem apparent, but I don’t think it get’s said enough out loud so here it is: parenting is HARD. So scroll with caution, and practice self-compassion.

So there you have it. I’ve learned so much in the (almost) three short years as a parent. About parenting, about kids, about my partner, and about myself. And yet, I know this is only the beginning.

I hope if you’re a new (or about to be) parent you found this useful. Got your own tips to share? Please comment, or reach out to me to share your story.